Mar 08
We’re using some outsourcing to help the search engine optimization of our site. Part of what they do is write articles that pertain to fencing and WamBam Fence, and then release them online. It’s safe to say that said articles probably aren’t read too much. However, being nervous about people writing articles on our company when English isn’t their first language, I had one criterion: I wanted to proof read every single article written, even if it supposedly wasn’t going to be read by anyone. Part of what came back was enough to make me cringe. I rewrote the thing, and gave revised article a green light.
They released the original one. I don’t even know where they came up with this; they must read the blog or something. But this was one of the paragraphs of the article leaked for a few torture-some hours before I caught it and had it revoked immediately.
Even though the name of our company is pretty strange but our company is absolutely authorized and legal, handling jobs that are appropriate and tailor marked to the best of our client needs. The company is run by Steve and Denise along with two bondage employees Ben and Scott who started the entire concept of easy to fix fences
Easy to fix fences? And what the heck is a bondage employee? What kind of outfit do we have going on here anyway?
(The real story is that we provide easy-to-install vinyl fence that is digless. And our employees are here by choice. Promise.)
I haven’t made any attempts to disguise the fact that we do some outsourcing at WamBam Fence. For those of you who live and work in North America, you might derive some satisfaction from the fact that it’s not always smooth sailing.
Take, for instance, my instructions to a web developer in India for the following part of the site:
Basic Instructions to this Page
1. Change Title font (The WamBam Journal) to “Gloucester MT Extra Condensed”. It should say “The WamBam Journal” at the top and the bottom.
2. In the new page as per our discussion, the copy should read (I typed out the whole paragraph for him).
The end result when I went to the site the next morning? (Yes, the changes were live.)
Maybe I Need to Give Clearer Instructions?
Let’s just say that after several incidents, we’ve mostly reverted back to North America for outsourcing.
Here at WamBam Fence, we provide digless vinyl fence that’s easy to install because it’s designed for the do-it-yourself market.
But sometimes it’s just inevitable. We try to minimize hold times as much as possible at WamBam Fence, but sometimes if someone has a question that needs a bit of looking up or consultation with a coworker, we have to put a customer on hold.
We elected to do away with annoying “on hold” music and instead got Clever Joe and Frank Wambamalino to engage in a bit of dialog about how annoying it is to be put on hold. This way, when a customer is put on hold, hopefully we can at least make them smile a bit.
Here it is.
WamBam On Hold Message
It’s WamBam, digless vinyl fence that’s easy to install.
The WamBam Sandbox
Steve doesn't know he's about to encounter a bit of a snag...
First samples have arrived from China, horray!
We take our new treasures to the WamBam sandbox, which is actually just a piece of land down the street that we have rented from John, an 80 year-old businessman. We haggled with John to let us use a sliver of his land for grass roots quality control.
We show up to work in grubs, load up the pickup truck, and start WamBaming pipes into the ground. I want to try out the product myself, and despite my disciplined gym routine, it’s clear I need to pump more iron if I want to drive the anchors into the ground as quickly as Steve. It must be painful for him to watch because after a while, he says, “Give me that thing” as he starts WamBaming the anchors into the ground– quite effortlessly, I might add.
After one particularly successful blow, he remarks, “That’s easier. I must have just gotten past a rock.”
And within seconds we’re standing in a rapidly growing puddle. And it’s only getting bigger.
We’re really hoping that he hit an oil well, Beverly Hillbillies style. Visions of instant retirement with a lifetime of luxury without all the hard work of an endeavor like WamBam start flashing through my head. But then we realize with dismay that it’s water.
Yup, Steve broke a water line. (For the record, he did call the locates prior to driving the anchors and was given the clear.)
Water is gushing everywhere and we have to find John to confess our misdeeds. Things need to happen to rectify the situation: Turn off the water to the property. Dig up the ground to get to the pipe. Call a plumber. Write him a check.
A couple hours later, it’s all fixed.
I will say that I am impressed with our fence system. Sure, the anchors require some muscle to go into the ground. But it was pretty cool to see in practice, and the posts looked as even and white as a used car salesman’s smile. Yup, maybe I’m biased, but our digless vinyl fence system is pretty cool, innovative, and fun to install. Just as long as the water lines are kept intact.
It’s probably a combination of a bunch of things. Steve is a little larger than life and tends to live life by the mantra “go big or go home”. Or maybe it’s the influence of his Dutch father who survived the war and raised him to appreciate food because “you never know when you’ll go without.” Or maybe it’s the thrill of Sam’s Club, which must still be a novelty coming from a town where there are no wholesale clubs.
Whatever the case, whenever Steve goes to Sam’s Club to stock up on “lunch food”, it’s a little scary. The sheer amount of groceries he hauls in is enough to feed a small army. Plus, that means there will be no available fridge space for a couple weeks at least.
You think I’m exaggerating. But I promise these pictures were taken more than a week after his last excursion to Sam’s Club. Check it out:
The Cupboard Above the Fridge
- 2 “family size” bags of Tostitos
- 3 cans of Pringles
- 1 bag of Doritos
- 60 envelopes of hot chocolate in one big box
The Fridge
- 2 5lb bricks of cheese
- 1 “family size” bag of bacon bits
- 3 1/2 lbs of butter (or 3 boxes and 2 sticks)
- 3 jars of Tostitos cheese mix
- 1 jar of salsa
- 2 large jars of olives
- 4 boxes of grapefruit cups for a total of 32
- 2 “family size” bottles of salad dressing
- 3 extra large tubs of cottage cheese
- 1 large bag of clementines
- 1 large tub of spinach leaves
- 2 quarts of mushrooms
Main Cupboard
- 39 cans of soup
- 1 extra large jar of pickles
- 2 bags of chips
- 1 large jar of mixed nuts
- 3 boxes of fruit cups (48 cups total)
- 7 boxes of crackers
- 2 boxes of ice tea mix (for a total of 48 gallons of ice tea. He insists this was purchased in error- he thought it was regular tea.)
- 3 boxes of baked beans (24 cans total)
Bottom Cupboard
- 1 2.5 lb. bag of croutons
- 5 boxes of cereal
- 1 assorted box of apple cider packages (36 packages total)
I’ll stop now, but there’s still the freezer and the door of the fridge and a couple more cupboards.
When I raise my eyebrows and ask if all this food is really necessary, he replies, “If there’s ever a storm or war, you’ll thank me, Denise.” And in fairness to him, he is very good about sharing.
But just to reiterate, unlike me, he doesn’t usually eat all his meals at the office. He eats breakfast and dinner with his family at home. This is lunch food only.
And yet again, what does this have to do with fence or vinyl fence or privacy fence or do-it-yourself fence installation? I haven’t quite figured that out yet, but if you have any ideas, let me know.
We got a new sign today out front of our little business park. It’s exciting to get a real sign; it somehow brings legitimacy to our little start up here.
Unfortunately the landlords/sign people didn’t quite get it right: (If you can’t see it, it’s the middle column under “H”)
Maybe we need some animals in the office.
Maybe it would work if our target market was ranchers and farmers. But it’s not.
At least it’s good for a laugh.
What are we doing here at WamBarn Fence? We’re changing the world of do-it-yourself fence. Our fence is easy and fun to install.
So Steve and I have worked within feet of each other—literally—for more than 7 years now. We get along really well.
But I have to confess that arguments occasionally erupt. There are three particular points of dissension between us that just won’t seem to go away.
#1 Office Disagreement
Hand’s down, office temperature. Steve is always hot. I’m always cold. He tells me to wear more clothes. I tell him that an undershirt and sweater should be sufficient for me and that clearly he needs to forgo his undershirt given his naturally high body temperature. He marches to the thermostat to turn it down. I sneak over and turn it up, then make myself a cup of tea and wrap a blanket around my shoulders, figuring I have only about an hour until he clues into the thermostat change. But it’s a nice, warm hour, until the process is repeated once again.
#2 Office Disagreement
Music. He likes to play classical music on the radio. I always thought I was cultured and appreciated classical music, but after several hours of Mozart droning me to sleep, I can’t do it anymore. I have learned not to comment on it, because every time I do, it’s a license for him to pull out the remote, conveniently within inches of his reach, and crank the screechy violins with an evil glint in his eye. Most of the time I just put on my headphones and play high energy music for the sake of productivity. When he’s not around, I throw my iPod in the stereo and blast it. Of course when he walks back into the office he gives me a strange look and says, “You wacko! Do you actually call this music?!” as he marches over to turn it down so low it might as well be off.
#3 Office Disagreement
The last thing we disagree with is my social life. Steve is an introverted morning person, which is completely my opposite (meaning I’m a highly extroverted night hawk). Now that it’s just the two of us in the office, he knows too much about my social life and thinks I am completely whacked to go out as much as I do.
“Why not sit at home and read a book tonight?” He asks.
“What?! On a Friday night?! You have got to be kidding me!”
I remind him that even after going out, I’m usually more functional in the morning then he is in the afternoon. He can’t dispute this fact so we share a laugh and get back to work…until he asks me if I have plans that evening and I give a squeaky little “yes” in response.
It’s all in good fun and if these are the biggest brawls we have, I think we’re quite lucky.
How can I bring this back to fence that’s digless and therefore fun to install? I really can’t, so I’ll just leave it alone.
Note to Steve: Don't call your graphics designer's wife a stooge
Steve sometimes says things without thinking. And other times things come out the wrong way. This is always a great source of amusement to me. For instance, yesterday he was talking to our graphics designer, Sid, on Skype.
Steve is talking to him about our instruction manuals. I hear his side of the conversation and it goes something like this:
“You know Sid, these instructions have to be really good. They have to be designed for the end user who doesn’t know a lot about fence. We need a total stooge to proofread them. You know, someone like your wife…”
From my end of the table: uncontrollable laughter followed by, “Um, Steve, do you realize what you just said?”
Of course Steve doesn’t think Sid’s wife is a stooge. He was just trying to communicate that he wanted someone who knew nothing about fencing to read our instructions to see if they made sense. But it came out all wrong.
Fortunately Sid is still doing work for us.
And those instruction manuals? They are all about fence. Digless fence. Do it yourself fence. Fence that’s fun to install. You know the drill.
